Tonight, I saw a white butterfly,
She lonely flew in the darkest sky.
The pale road light,
Spilled, the saddest light.
O love, I knew the spirit is thee,
and thee swear never leave me.
But the words like the inconstant cloud,
and those clouds changed the shape every second.
O my heart like the whitest snow,
and the body is the heaviest lead.
So take the broken heart and to show,
giving the lovelorn people is in need.
O God, if you really love me,
To bless, and given the happiness to thee作者: wmlfw 时间: 2007-4-22 12:29
抱歉前辈，我当时胡言乱语……
我只是个没欣赏水平的坏人
别把我的话放在心上作者: nightele 时间: 2007-4-22 12:34
整体诗歌韵律是我自己独创的 AABB CCDD EFEF GG
这个貌似不是独创吧。。很多人都有用这样的韵。。
&The pale road light,
Spilled, the saddest light.
跟后面的两个SNOW不是说不能用，总觉得能改到更好的。。。作者: mu 时间: 2007-4-22 17:31
语法错误……整首诗怪怪的
So take the broken heart and to show,
giving the lovelorn people is in need.
这句要表达什么意思？
The pale road light,
Spilled, the saddest light.
light不能重复啊，改成这样读起来舒服些：
The pale road,spilled
the saddest light.作者: michaelkiddhan 时间: 2007-4-22 18:56
那样的话 就不押韵了 不过不好倒是真的
